yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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