Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
