I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
