So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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