Your dad touched me again.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
