Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
