I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
