Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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