Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
