Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
