And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
