Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
