I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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