ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
