she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
