im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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