we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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