You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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