I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I came so hard my ears popped.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
