this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
