Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
