She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
