I wanna bring you to show and tell
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
