So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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