he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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