she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
