I will die if light touches me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
