Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
