we have pet lesbian snakes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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