he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize