No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
