Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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