Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
