youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
