i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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