My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
