Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
