Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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