My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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