we have pet lesbian snakes
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
