I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
