You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
