Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
