You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
