so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
