i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
