i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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