Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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