dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
