C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
