Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
