Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
