That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
