So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
